The death of stammer

Will that day ever come ?

The beauty of the sea

Through the beauty of the sea On my boat and with my dreams I will sail to Neverland And on that day When I step out of my boat You will know that there is a Neverland That will start on this land If Neverland it is The joy will fill my life And no more of that The holding tears in eyes My heart will beat the names And my ears will hear the sounds Of all the things I like Only in Neverland.

Be Honest

• I know I have many things about me that people don’t like; well I am a human with mistakes and also I am a human that likes to improve her self and know what the things are that needs to be improved. The things that I know and hate about me are: 1. Feeling guilty for every mistake I do. 2. Bad communication skills (Can’t be fixed). 3. Being used with my pleasure especially at work (have to be mean to fix that). 4. My coffee addiction (Don’t want to quit :P) 5. Can't show my feelings to people by face expressions (Fake them; no bad idea). And now it’s your turn to tell me what is that you don’t like about me. And please be honest. Most of you do know me through my posts or emails.
• P.S. You could send it via email if you think posting it as a comment isn't appropriate.

The sweet girl

I am the worst in keeping friends. I have bad communication skills; if you are not there and I didn’t know your email; no way you will hear from me; sorry, this is me. I hate phone calls I never start calling, I may meet you in some place and take your phone number but never call. This isn't the subject I am posting about; I am posting to tell you about this girl, when I first came to Kuwait she was in my class and she lived in USA before which makes her close to me I mean in her way of thinking, she is sweet and kind; we stayed together until we graduated from High school we went to college but not the same college we were in contact but not that much (Yes it was me that wasn’t good in it), I haven’t heard from her for three years. And guess what SHE CALLED ME TODAY to tell me that she missed me and wants to meet me next week and that she already have an 8 months daughter; I can’t wait to meet her. and yes I will call her what ever difficulties I will have to face to do that, because she deserves it. Isn’t she sweet? YES SHE IS A SWEET GIRL :)

كيف

إهطلي يا دموعي أمطارا و أغسلي قلبي المسكين فقد أسقته كلمات الناس مرا .... أمرارا و أمرارا وعجز لساني عن ردعهم فلا سلاح لديه غير بكاء لا وجود له إلا في دنيا أحلامي تهت و تاه الطريق و تاه مني تيهاني أبكي؟ كيف ... و لا بكاء لمن لا يعرف للبكاء طريق أشكي؟ كيف ... و لا شكوى لمن لا يملك لسانا طليق

Anti-Coffee

I reached the 7 Mugs a day. Which means quitting; well it will be temporary quitting I usually do it two – three times a year, to reorganize my coffee addict; I know that I have to do it when I feel my hands shacking and have those strange heart beats. How to do it? Good question. I stop drinking coffee for two days and a half and what is better than starting from Wednesday afternoon until Friday night, and on Saturday I start drinking coffee again but less than before. OK BUT HOW?

Apples; Yes Apples; apple juice, apple pie, apple apples :p All of these are good. Apples are rich of stimulus that has a similar affect as Caffeine; Oh you might ask “then why not apples instead of coffee?” My answer would be “Why not both?”

The Daisy Story

She was ill that week so her mother told her “You shouldn’t go to the book shop around the corner, you’re ill and that will not do you good”. She sat at home that week doing nothing but reading her books again and watching some TV programmes; she managed to save her money allowance for the whole week because she wasn’t allowed to go to the book shop and she had nothing else to spend her money on. She had 5 Pounds for five days of saving. On Friday she was better and she went to school; on Saturday as usual she and her family would go out if the weather was good, well it wasn’t that good that day but they went shopping in Littlewoods and then had lunch at Mc Donald’s. She thought of keeping her money until they go back home so she could go to the book shop to buy many books instead of reading one at the shop and buying another one. But on that day something happened made her change her mind, something unexpected. When they arrived at Littlewoods her mom and dad went to see the baby’s clothes (they were expecting a new baby boy); she and her brother and sister went to the toys sector. And there he was staring at her he was cute with dark brown eyes as hers; she thought “why not? I have the money to have him” looking at the price sign near him she knew that he was 3.99 pounds. Then she thought “What about the books? No I have plenty of them and could buy them every day”. So she took him in her arms and took him to the casher. “Ok" said the casher to her,"so you want this sweet teddy bear” , the little girl nodded her head yes. “Oh, but there is a problem with his mouth; I should bring you another one” said the casher. The little girl said in a loud voice “No I want this one”. The casher looked at her and said “But his mouth will fall down”. “I don’t care” said the little girl. “Ok wait a minute” said the casher, and then she went to talk to someone else and was pointing to the little girl, then she came back and said “Ok we will sell it to you with only 2 pounds”. “Ok" said the little girl, with a big smile with two missing teeth (yeh she looked cute). After going home the Teddy bear's mouth fell down.

Daisy was the Teddy bear and True Faith was the little girl back in 1988 in London.

Ask me

Al did it before and it was fun :) And The Don ;p Ask me 1 - 3 questions and I have the freedom to not answer them :p I will not write a new post for the answers; I will write them in the comments area.

أنا و أرض أحلامي و دميتي

لا تقترب.. قد تمل تعثري و ترددي. قد تمل النظر في عيني و تمل خيالي و أحلامي و آهاتي و أشجاني و قلبي المجروح و صمتي المليء بمعاناتي. قد تمل تندمي على ذنوبي الصغيرة و تمل عبراتي المخنوقه و دموعي المحبوسة. قد تملني لأني في نظرك بلا إحساس

تمل وجودي ... تمل حياتي ... تود فراقي

فإن حياتي بلا بشر. فقط أنا و أرض أحلامي و دميتي

إن تقترب ... لن تجد إلا عيناي لتحدثك

لك الإختيار

Smack

What is the best way to Hit someone and make him in real pain and bad headaches for three weeks?

I don’t want him to faint I just want him to pain.

No people

My mom was bored yesterday and she thought of going out; my sister told her that she wouldn’t mind joining her if she would go to visit one of my uncles; I didn’t want to join them because I don’t like going to people, you know those humans with heads that has eyes and mouths; I told my mom why don’t we go to the roof and ride our space ship to Mars or the moon; it would be more fun. My mom looked at me in that way (Yes my daughter is mad and needs therapy) so I closed my mouth. Think of it; what if we really had non humans to visit in other planets and we have our space ship on our roofs and we could go out of this planet when ever we felt like we don’t want to see any human; ride it and fly.

Porky & Casper

As child I had that dream to have my own Casper ghost that will defend me from the mean kids that used to call me Porky the pig because I used to stutter really hard when I was a kid; I used to stamp the floor with my foot and squeeze my hand very hard just to get the word out; I didn’t repeat letters or words I just was blocked in words. My main characters at that time were Porky and Casper; one of them I used to hate and the other I loved too much.

You might think that it was Casper that I loved; well no because he never appeared.

Don't read this

Fear is surrounding my life; it is that corner that I always sit in closing all of my five senses, I don’t see, don’t hear, don’t touch, don’t smell and don’t taste. The comfort I feel when leaving that world and going to the world that I did for my self; I go to my shelter to find the peace that I need. No more peace I am getting after knowing that I am nothing but a coward that does not know how to face her problems, facing them is always the thing that I run away from. I run away from people, from talking, from defending my self, even if I did it I feel guilty for doing that. It is right what you said about me that I have to face my problems my self, and that in facing them I will get used in facing such things; but from where could I get my courage, is there any kind of medicine that I could have to get courage? Many questions are in my mind. Is this home? What will be my life two years later? What are the steps of building a better life? Why am I writing this post? It is away passing my bed time and my mind is in a big mess; and it would be better if you don’t read this post because I think it will be full of confusing stuff that you will not understand. Or should I continue writing until I feel sleepy; yes I guess I should. There are many thing in mind now that I must clear it; well I feel scared; I am afraid of every thing, I am afraid to lose my parents because of silence with them, I am afraid that Boodi and Loosh does not like me any more, well they no more give me hugs and kisses as before. I am afraid of not finding my self any more. I am afraid that there will be no more ups in my life. I am afraid of losing my smile as I lost my tears. I hate my mood. No, This post hasn’t ended yet; I have many things in my mind; I wish that I just could be what I want to be; I wish that I could let people around me know how do I feel maybe they could help me but I don’t know how; when ever I feel like telling my mom about something that is really bothering me I go to her look at her, smile to her give her a kiss and go, what is it that I will lose if I told her, nothing but the bad feelings; I just can’t. Ok I will call Ra-1 and tell her about what is bothering me, I hold the phone and dial her number without pressing the send button. I go back to the only one that is always there for me; Allah. Well sorry for that long boring post with no comment icon.

Falling leaves

I can’t see the future; I can’t see my self in a coming life. All of my thoughts and all of my dreams are falling leaves.

Soul mate

Is a person who shared you your soul in a past life; and you live in this life forgetting about that mate until suddenly you feel in need for him/her, but where is that mate and who is that mate? How to be sure that you will never mistake in knowing that this person is the one that shared your soul in that past life? The only thing that you are sure about is that this mate is somewhere in this world and that you really miss him/her.

Mistakes

There are different kinds of mistakes. There are mistakes that you are allowed to do, and there are mistakes that you are not allowed to do. There are mistakes that you are allowed to do abroad, yet you are not allowed to do in Kuwait. There are mistakes that guys are allowed to do, yet girls are not allowed to do. There are mistakes that you are allowed to do, yet nobody else is allowed to do. There are mistakes that you would not accept from people who are close to you, yet you could accept them from others.

What went wrong?

Setting on a table with my mum, sister and relatives looking to the entrance to see this gorgeous lady wearing a long white dress and holding a bouquet of flowers walking throw the hall with a wonderful background song describing her beauty; you could see the joy coming from her soul throw her eyes, with a beautiful smile she sits waiting for her groom to come; a man that she loved and he loved her for three years. Here he comes with his father, her father, and brothers, relatives and friends followed by a traditional band. His eyes is looking towards her as if there is nobody in the hall but her; he gives her a kiss on her head, shakes hands with his father, father in law and the others and they go out. They sit near each other waiting for the time to leave the hall. The wedding party was perfect, they went to spend there honey moon abroad, they loved each other for three years, and after four months they are divorced. Why?

Love or Hate

What could make you love or hate someone?

Ups and downs

A status of mood that would makes you feel up or down. I am easy to feel up and easy to feel down, it is like if there is a button in me that you could press and here I go Happy, press it again and here I go Sad. My face reaction never changes in both statuses, there is always a smile on my face, and in some situations I cry but that is rare. Sometimes I feel so sad and start crying and suddenly something good happens or I hear good news and BOOM I am very happy as if was faking my tears. Yet that does not mean it is ok to let me down; it hurts, and tears some times burn a human’s heart.

Eyes

The first thing I look to in a person is her/his eyes; I keep staring in their eyes while talking to them. Some people think that what I do is something rude, they mean when looking into a guy’s eyes. It is something that I can’t control; I will not talk if I don’t look into their eyes. I think it is something related to the brain, some kind of connection between my brain and the person I am talking to brain and it is linked by the eye contact. I some times forget names of people but never forget their eyes.

Coffee Mood

I start thinking of quitting drinking Coffee when I reach 5-7 Mugs a day. I am now in the 4 Mugs status; very close to those evil thoughts of quitting. There is this connection between a good first cup and a good mood; Yet I am not sure which one leads to the other; Is it if I am in a good mood the coffee will be good or is it that if the coffee is good I will be in a good mood?

Sweet Bloggers

Dear Sweet Bloggers, White Daisies for you.

Mood status

Mess Confusing Waste of time Can’t think Laugh for no reason Want to cry Every thing in one time No words Miss understood No feelings Hard feelings Quite Noisy atmosphere Crowded places Look in the eye Silent Mobile Ugly Stand still Switched off Shaking hands Bad Coffee

Step aside

I am working on a new agenda for my life. The problem is that I don’t know what to change? I am used to that kind of life; Working ,Studying, reading, watching movies,hanging out with my friends once a month if not two months ,visit my grandmother once a week, going to the beach house and doing sports. I always had this thought that I will build me a better life in England. First of all I need to find my self a life to begin the progress of settling as my mother calls it. I step aside and look at my life nothing but dreams and few achievements.

Hush

I haven’t been having bad days for sometime now; which should feel good yet it doesn’t. I am afraid of those bad days more now; when I feel good for a long time I get used to it that I don’t want to go back to my old status. I haven’t been talking via phone these days; only answer Ra-1 and my family calls. I will not go to tomorrow’s dinner in my grandmother’s house, hoping that this status will last longer.