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Fear is surrounding my life; it is that corner that I always sit in closing all of my five senses, I don’t see, don’t hear, don’t touch, don’t smell and don’t taste. The comfort I feel when leaving that world and going to the world that I did for my self; I go to my shelter to find the peace that I need. No more peace I am getting after knowing that I am nothing but a coward that does not know how to face her problems, facing them is always the thing that I run away from. I run away from people, from talking, from defending my self, even if I did it I feel guilty for doing that. It is right what you said about me that I have to face my problems my self, and that in facing them I will get used in facing such things; but from where could I get my courage, is there any kind of medicine that I could have to get courage? Many questions are in my mind. Is this home? What will be my life two years later? What are the steps of building a better life? Why am I writing this post? It is away passing my bed time and my mind is in a big mess; and it would be better if you don’t read this post because I think it will be full of confusing stuff that you will not understand. Or should I continue writing until I feel sleepy; yes I guess I should. There are many thing in mind now that I must clear it; well I feel scared; I am afraid of every thing, I am afraid to lose my parents because of silence with them, I am afraid that Boodi and Loosh does not like me any more, well they no more give me hugs and kisses as before. I am afraid of not finding my self any more. I am afraid that there will be no more ups in my life. I am afraid of losing my smile as I lost my tears. I hate my mood. No, This post hasn’t ended yet; I have many things in my mind; I wish that I just could be what I want to be; I wish that I could let people around me know how do I feel maybe they could help me but I don’t know how; when ever I feel like telling my mom about something that is really bothering me I go to her look at her, smile to her give her a kiss and go, what is it that I will lose if I told her, nothing but the bad feelings; I just can’t. Ok I will call Ra-1 and tell her about what is bothering me, I hold the phone and dial her number without pressing the send button. I go back to the only one that is always there for me; Allah. Well sorry for that long boring post with no comment icon.