Without my coffee

Boodi was wearing his hand made king crown and running all around the house shouting “I AM THE KING.. I AM THE KING.. I AM THE KING”. My brother stopped him and asked “Your majesty the king; where is your queen?” Boodi replayed “Dhari took my queen, and I will kill them both”. Shopping in Ramadan is the worst; I have not went shopping in Ramadan for years and this year I had to and what I have seen is a big shock; I didn’t know that there are that much people in Kuwait. When were they born and how fast do they grow. What is the possibility that a peaceful moment remains as it? I wish that my peace shall do for long. Pleasant days they were; clear images of my future and a suitable path to walk on. Many changes in my life will be in the coming months. I will be an aunt and my sister will get married and leave the house. I am so happy that I’ll be an aunt but not sure about my sister leaving the house, I will miss her a lot. Loosh was asking me yesterday while helping him with his homework “Why are we studying Rome and British history?” “Well, to know about other countries and learn from their experience to improve our selves and country”. If we didn’t learn the lessons from our own history how could we learn from others? Few days and Ramadan will go, will take its goods with it and leave. May God bring it again to us and give us more of its goods.

Say Hi

Say hi to my new friend "???", I didn’t name her yet so just say hi.I saw her yesterday in that toys store while buying Boodi and Loosh their Eid gifts; she really did get my attention with those cute blue eyes and her wonderful smile, not toothy but beautiful. Daisy felt really jealous when he saw her, you could see it in his eyes, and he didn’t want to sit near her which made me put her in another corner of the room where he can’t see her. He is so special and no way she will take his place in my heart but it’s not easy to convince a teddy bear of that. I picked her because she reminds me of my old stuffed dolls; I wasn’t a fan of Barbie dolls though I used to get some as gifts. My sister used to take them to add them to her zombie collection, I used to call them like that because I always had this feeling that they were dead small people. and what made my feeling worse is that when ever she gets a new doll she would cut her hair and stick it up using glue, waits for it until it dries and spray it with colours, after that she would colour her eyes using a black pen, colour her cheeks using a red pen and colour her lips using a blue pen and then make them sit near each other in one of our room shelves. They really scared me especially at night when going to bed and looking at them sitting on that shelf staring at me. I remember begging her to put them in the drawer but she would refuse because she thought that they wouldn’t be able to breathe in there. Back to subject; say hi to my new friend and find her a name :)

When I die

The thought of death is always in my mind. I always think of that moment when the angel of death will come to take my soul and leave my body to be graved in earth. I think of that moment and will I be able to say :

"أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله"

or will it be heavy and my tongue won’t be able to say it. I think of how the angel of death will call my soul; will he say “come out, you evil soul” or will he say “come out, you good soul”. I think of my grave and its darkness, and the moment when they pour sand on me. I will never exist again in this world they will be no more me. People might forget me; and some might pray for me; others might never mention me again. After that I will go to where? Hell or Heaven. Hell, that will burn my body and will tear me into parts, pain will remain, might increase but will never reduce. Or maybe Heaven, where I have never imagined, that will be something much better than my fiction books, fairy tale movies and something I have never seen even in my never land.

اللهم إني أسألك حسن الخاتمه

I'm not stupid

I could be kind to a ratty person; but if that person remains on that situation I could be the meanest you have ever met.

So don’t be mean to me to not show you my other face.

Something about nothing

I have been trying to read but this buzzing thing kept flying around me and is not letting me concentrate. I yelled at it but it didn’t go away and kept buzzing and flying all around in my room. It’s freezing here. Well it has been like that all day, even at work. I wore a wool jumper today still felt cold. Boodi is not in the mood today. He was crying and shouting all day. I made it worse by calling him Loosh by mistake. He came to me and said “Did you call me Loosh” “Yes but I meant Boodi” I said, “My name is Boodi and this boy sitting over there is Loosh; OK” . I have to go shopping and get me an Eid outfit and get my family Eid gifts; and that must be done before Eid. When exactly? I am not sure; but Inshallah I will. Last night my mom had a غبقه “Ramadanish dinner” ,many ladies came; and they were asking my mom about my sister’s wedding and when it will be. The thing that really irritated me is their non - stopping "الفال لج"and "شدي حيلج إخوانج الصغار اتزوجو و انتي لي الحين قاعده". Excuse me, but I don’t remember me complaining about that; or asking you to take me to live with you in your house because my family doesn’t want me any more. Our Eid holidays trip has been planned and everything is booked; it will be amazing. I have a wonderful father يا حلوه. I am so excited about it; can’t wait.

Briefly me

Ra-1 طقتني

Seven things I plan to do: 1. Pass the three levels of CFA. 2. Read more in my major. 3. Find a new job. 4. Travel around the world and never settle. 5. Have Nora, Sara and Khalid :) 6. Find a dress for my sister's wedding. 7. Making my boss deaf by sticking a pen in his ear. Seven things I can do: 1. Read for six hours. 2. Swim 3. Do a 5000 pieces puzzle in one week. 4. Make my mom angry without meaning it. 5. Travel for more than a month with only one small luggage bag and come back with no additional weight. 6. Convince Ra-1 in my opinion of someone. 7. Drink more than 13 mugs of coffee and not die. Seven things I can't do: 1. Sit with my sister in one place and not laugh. 2. Love my Boss. 3. Stay in a dark place. 4. Sleep without Daisy. 5. Smile when I don't want to. 6. Not smile when I want to. 7. Cry. Seven things I say most often: 1. whatever 2. أيش ? 3. No way. 4. Pardon 5. Sure 6. Tiso Tiso (A secret word that I and my sister invented) 7. I need coffee. Seven people I want to pass this tag to: 1. Sarpanch 2. NUNU 3. Tarek Amr 4. Sponty 5. Judy Abott 6. Blossom 7. Eb9ara7a

Day Dream: Nora

It’s a girl. A wonderful girl will be born some day. She will look like her mom but much prettier. Her eyes will be wide her lenses will be dark, a silky brown hair and gentle thin fingers she will have. She will cry when she’s hungry and will be fed love and tender. Her name will be Nora and her mom will be me. A loving mother and a gorgeous daughter, a wonderful match we will be. I will quit my job and gift her my time, I will stay with her all day and night. I will hold her in my arms until she sleeps. I will put her in her carriage and go out with her; every body will want to pick her up. She will be so cute that every body would like to have a similar one as she. When she’s 6 months old she will start saying “Mama”. I will rush to bring my video camera to record this event, and will cry after that. On her first birthday, I will be so happy that I will thraw her a party. it will be the best party ever, only children with no maids will be invited and people with Disney classics characters costumes, no clowns will be involved because she will be a clown frearful child. She will walk like a ducky. I will buy her fluffy dresses to be remarkable when she walks. She will stumble in her walk and sometimes she will fall, and when that happens she will search for me and start crying calling “Mama”. I will run to pick her up and will hit the floor as revenge. She will smile again and start walking her ducky walk. My daughter will start going to school when she’s 4. I will wake her up every morning, will change her cloths, fix her breakfast and feed her my self. I will take her to school and will pick her at the end of the day. I may take her for lunch before going home. I will read for her the books she chose. I will never sing for her to not spoil her taste. I and she will travel around the world; I will teach her the history of each country we visit. I will teach her swimming. And will get a 5 mega pixel camera to start with. Sorry I have to wake up now; my brother is calling me :P

One Whole Year

Dear Blog; We’ve spent a whole year together, 159 current posts, 7 Draft posts, and much more of my happiness, anger, shame, guilt, love, smiles, laughter, joy, sadness, madness, confusion, and faith. All of those made me know that what I feel and think of could be said and listened to; it made me recognize that my voice could reach farther than my mind, soul and heart. Dear Blog; Before you existed in my life, I believed that I had good thoughts and always wanted to express them to others, I always wanted to share what I thought of with others and get reasonable replies on them. I always wanted to say what I really felt without the need to switch words or struggle to say the ones I want. I wanted to express my feelings and believes without people ridiculing me or calling me crazy. Dear Blog; I have discovered that my thoughts could be organized without an excel sheet. I now could know what was I thinking of months ago and how was my mood on a specific day. Dear Blog; Before you existed, I have never shouted my pain out. I have never said that it hurts when I stammer, and never showed my weakness. For those who knew me before it was a shock to know that I could be weak and would beg for tears. All what I have shown before you is a smiley, cold blooded and heartless person; a person that will never show what she really felt. Dear Blog; You made me discover that there are good people in this planet that will listen to me without judging me. Thank you for giving me the supportive and caring friends. I have discovered a new way of communication, a way that will never need my doddered tongue. Dear Blog; You made me seek deep inside me and discover that I have more than I know; I can do more than I believe I could. I have also discovered that some of my faiths are nothing but illusions and chasing them is a waste of time. Dear Blog; I am sorry if I loaded you with my frustration and anger; and sorry if I made you hurt anybody without you wanting to. I am sorry if I made someone never come back to read the posts in you because of some harsh words I wrote. Dear Blog; You made my fantasies become reality; you made my daisy talk, you made me fly, made my tongue fluent. You made me travel to another world like Judie Foster in Contact. You made me enter the drawings like Marry Poppins. And swim deep with the fishes like the little mermaid. Dear Blog; I have changed a lot since you entered my life. I have got rid of some of my bad habits that I have recognized because of you. I have reduced my coffee drinking. I spend more time with my family when I am at home instead of reading all the time or doing my puzzles. I write what ever I feel in your pages or in my dairy to diminish my frustration. Dear Blog; ما أذكر متى ما كنت بحياتي Yours truly True Faith

قرقيعالوين

I used to celebrate "قرقيعان" with my family’s friends in "National Union of Kuwait Students in London" and with some Kuwaiti, Saudi, Emeriti and Qatari friends of mine that used to join us in such occasions. My aunt used to post us "قرقيعان" costumes every year. We sang all night until our throats were tired to get our treats. One year we went to Kuwait during that time (I think it was Christmas holidays which we really enjoy in England; all the colourful lights and decorated trees and houses). My cousins were really excited about "قرقيعان" and they were ready to do their tour around the area; I didn’t understand why they would do that, so I went to ask my mom about it and she said they do it here like Halloween. WAW, two Halloweens in one year. I joined them, and after reaching few houses I got bored; nothing interesting about it, no scary costumes, no decorations and the treats were not the type I was expecting. It seems that Boodi is really enjoying "قرقيعان". He invented a dance for it, a funny one that he does while singing in his tour.

Hush me

O.K. I may be weird and people hate my way of thinking. Maybe I am wrong to them and they never respected my opinions. Maybe, just maybe they don’t like me and want to replace me with another person that is similar to them. Or just they don’t like my way of talking that they want to hush me quickly. It might be that they like me but if I would be adjusted to the ideal person in their minds. Either than the person I am, I will never be.

Random mania

CFA vs. Time management: 7 books to be finished before November (إي إنشاالله) and I have to attend a review course before the test which is on December. Another delay it will be. It’s my third delay now. Longest week ever: This week is the longest week ever; those hours have lost their sense; an hour is 200 minutes instead of 60. Please hours stop fooling around. Eid clothes: I usually buy my Eid clothes before Ramadan; but didn’t this time and really don’t want to go shopping during Ramadan. So it will be one store that I will go to, only one and will buy anything from there. Eid in Kuwait: Eid holidays to be spent in Kuwait. No way Gaining weight: My mother’s daily argument in Ramadan. This time I think she is right. I lost 4 KG from the beginning of Ramadan until yesterday. A new job: I have been thinking about it for sometime now. I am still young for a heart attack or to go to jail, because if I stay longer I will surely kill him. Ramadan is Food: What is it with Ramadan and food? I don’t get it. People are either eating or talking about food. I'm engaged: a rumor was spread between my friends that I was engaged. One of them text messaged me "Mabrook" and another one called and congratulated me, when telling them that this wasn’t true they seemed to be sure. I asked them who told them that and who was the lucky guy, but they refused to tell me and never called since (This happened two weeks ago). I have sent them a Ramadan sms but none replayed ???!!!

Mounting to reach

To reach the top I have to climb that snow mountain; that what I have been taught. People around me always made me think that the harder I work the better the results will be. But life taught me that a clever person would do it the safe way. A snow mountain is slippery and cold; why climb it if I prefer beaches and warm sands. I'm never weak without people, I'm stronger.

مبارك عليكم الشهر

Ramadan vs. Coffee addiction

Is there a solution for coffee addicts in Ramadan? Yes there is, but let me first tell you what happens to a coffee addict in the first 2-4 days of Ramadan. A coffee addict who is used to get his/her caffeine fix every morning will get the withdrawal symptoms in the first days of Ramadan, he/she might suffer from head aches, bad mood (very bad), back teeth pain (well I get those), loss of concentration which might affect their way of thinking and no way you will see them smiling. The only solution is to wait for the Maghrib (Sunset) prayer call and then drink coffee. كل عام و أنتم بخير

First day at home

My plants were as I left them, beautiful and bloomy. I cleaned the shelves from dust and organized my books on them. Daisy was happy to come back; he is alive again and can talk though he doesn’t have a mouth. Life here is peaceful and calm, air is pure and water is clean. After cleaning my house and tidying things I sat in the balcony contemplating in space. Looking at earth from up here wondering (why did I go there in the first place?).