Give up

Stop Think again I really need to do that. I have all of my future plans towards England. I should reorganize my self, my thoughts and my aims. I should’ve recognized that I will live here and England is only a dream that will never come true. I am tired of thinking of how and when will I travel. I have to get my self a real life in Kuwait; and try harder to merge. Losing that dream is really hard for me; I knew that there will be a time that I will give up on it. That time has come; It is now; at this moment; in this blog.

My Guest Book

I was checking my web site guest book today, and I found this comment Name: sameer ss Email: 0096394749506 Comment: اهنيكم على الموقع هذا بما له من جمال التصميم وروعة الاداءاتمنى ان تتصل بي وهذا موبايل

Ra-1 & N.S.

Ra.1 & N.s. invite you to their first exhibition of Turkish antique, handcrafts and more ... Tue. 31. May Wed. 1. Jun Thu. 2. Jun at (Beit Deema) near beit badra behind Casper & beit sab3a. Ra-1; I am not coming :p

Accept me

She does not exist; she was made by your imagination. I am not her; and will never be her. She has a different look Different heart Different mind Different personality Different way of living Different eyes Different hobbies Different soul. She has no mistakes; but I do, as you do. Instead of trying to change me; wouldn’t it be better to look deep through my eyes and try to know me; to know the real me. Sorry to tell you that it isn’t my problem any more; it is yours. Accept me as I am. __________________________________________ I know that you didn’t like my previous post. I didn’t like it my self after reading it again especially my comments. The way that I have described that old lady. You should have sent me an email telling me that you didn’t expect it from me; and that what I wrote was immoral; and I shouldn't write it in the first place; and who knows maybe she has a psychological problem. It would have been better than your silence.

حفلة الأمس

في كل حفلة هناك "نجمة الحفل" و هناك "هبلة الحفل" و يتم تعيينهم من قبلي أنا و أختي الفاضلة ولكن الهبلة في حفلة الأمس فاقت كل التصورات

(شي مو طبيعي)

Responsibility

As much I hate taking the responsibility of things as much I do. I have always taken the big parts of paper work in School as well in College; when there is a Paper work I always take the major work; I don’t trust others in completing the work so I think if I took it my self it would be better for me and the group; they never mind. My sister throws a birthday party for her self every year; and I tell her that I am not going to do any thing, I will just buy her a gift; and I end up doing every thing. At work I do the same; I will not take anybody’s work; it will be only mine that I will do; And when someone is in a leave I end up taking all of his work. When my parents travel, I ask them to give there kids enough money because I am not going to give them any If they come asking me for money; and I end up giving them most of my salary. I love kids so much; yet I don’t want to take the responsibility of rising my own. Will I end up having my own dozen? :/

Time enough for tears

I like this song Let's read the trees and their Autumn leaves As they fall like a dress undone At the end of Summers, love will find lovers Who need the shadows of a winter sun Don't tell me you're leaving we can hide in the evening It's getting darker than it should If we read the leaves as they blow in the breeze Would it stop us now, my love Time enough for hard questions Time enough for all our fears Time is tougher than we both know yet, Time enough for tears The moon is milk and the sky where it's split Is magic, and we all need to believe, that we can Wake up in the dream, it's not as hard as it seems You know its harder to leave Time enough for being braver Time enough for all the fears Time is tougher than we both know yet Time enough for tears I heard you say underneath your breaths some kind of prayers I heard You say underneath your breath that you never wanted, to feel this way about anybody else Time enough for hard questions Time enough for all our fears Time is tougher than we both know yet Time enough for tears Time enough for being braver Time enough, I love this time of year, Time is tough, its running away from us, Time enough for tears Time enough for tears Time enough for tears

Teach me how

It’s time to cry, I will feel better when I do. ……… Ok, Waiting. Daisy is looking into my eyes finding no tears. Should I wait more for them to come down? Daisy thinks that I don’t know how to cry or maybe there are no tears in my eyes. Is it as many people think of me, that there are no feelings in my heart. Or maybe there is no heart in me. If you know how, please teach me.

Where to live?

Choose a country.

(You could choose another country than England) House. View and atmosphere. Way of living. Job. Daily activities. How to spend weekends? Build me a life, and let’s see how much you know me.

Congradulations Women of Kuwait

My pleasure

It is a pleasure to look in the mirror before leaving home every day; wear my scarf and make sure it is properly done covering all of my hair. It is a pleasure to go out of my house knowing that what I have did is something that will please Allah, and my self. A Hijab is a thing I wear that makes me feel free. Free to do what I believe in. Free to practice my religion with out disturbance, I can walk in the street, go to work, a restaurant, a shopping mall, and travel freely wearing it. How was I convinced to wear it? What is the purpose of wearing it? Questions have been asked. I am convinced That Allah is my God and Mohamed (PBUH) is his Prophet, I am convinced that praying five times a day is a must, That heaven and hell do exist; there is a reward and punishment. All of those has been mentioned in Qura`an and Sunnah (The sayings and acts of the Prophet PBUH). The Hijab has been mentioned in Qura’an and has been described in Sunnah. This is how I was convinced. The purpose of it to me is the peace that I feel, the freedom and pleasure.

Nothing

I have nothing to say

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The Alchemist

The Alchemist Written by: Paulo Coelho A fable about following your dream. A shepherd who had to travel for long distance, and learn from his trip the things that will lead him to his Personal legend. There is a reason for every thing, and every thing is written by one hand in this universe. This Book is a must read book; I read it in four days, and felt sad when it ended. You could find it in Amazon.com . Enjoy it :)

Thank you

Last Wednesday me and Ra-1 had to spend the rest of the day after work together; She came picked me from work and we went to the super market to buy somethings, then went to starbucks to have latte (me), caramel Frapatchino (Ra-1), after that we went to her house and sat there watching some photos and chatting about life. After Maghreb (sunset) Prayer we went to visit a friend to see her little girl that she had delivered four months ago. The girl was adorable, cute and funny. What I really want to say through this post is that at that day I discovered that I had a person that could deal with my stuttering in the best way; I never and I really mean it by NEVER met a person that could not let me lose the eye contact, wait for me and never complete my sentence as she did. Thank you Ra-1 for being that person; I love you.

Settlement

“Until when, you want to stay single?” “Until it’s time” “Dear TF you have to marry” “Why? I don’t want to marry now; and, this guy has nothing in common with me” “Why??!! To settle …. And what do you want to marry? An angel” “Do you see me jumping around the room to tell me to settle?” “Huh” “Nothing” This is a conversation that I had with my mom many times. “At last we will settle” “What ?” “We will go to Kuwait after three months for good” “So it will be good, won’t it?” “Yes of course” Another conversation that I had with my mom three months before coming to Kuwait. “I hate living here” “You always say that and you are still here” “So do you want me to go?” “Go where?” “To England” “And how would you live there alone” “I will have to pass the three levels of CFA exams and work for part time in three companies in England; I will take an apartment in London and travel around the world; don’t worry I will visit Kuwait every year but not for more than ten days. I will not have time to stay alone” “So you want to settle in England and travel around the world; well go dream of it” “Ok” This was a conversation which I usually have with mom. I have searched in the Dictionary today for the meaning of settle and it was To put into order; arrange or fix definitely as desired. To put firmly into a desired position or place; establish. Still I don’t understand what it means. What is it? Is it a feeling that I should feel, should it be good to feel? Or it is just a thing people say to make you want to do the things in their minds?If it is a feeling, how does it feel?And when should I feel it?

Guilty

It was the most painful feeling I have ever had. It was like fire had started in my chest eating my soul. I felt ashamed and guilty that I have never felt before. Well, I am not an angel with no mistakes but it is when I hurt a person that deserves is totally different than hurting someone who did nothing but being kind and sweet to me. My past two days were awful, and with no colors and taste; my eyes would not see any beauty in any thing. My office plant had felt the mistake that I have done that it had wilted and lost its fresh look. “What is that person feeling now”, “And how much pain did I cause” is all what I have thought of. I couldn’t blame anyone for hurting me any more because I did it my self. I thought of deleting all of my previous posts, yet I didn’t; I saved then as drafts. I couldn’t delete the feelings that I had and never could express them by sayings. It would have been another mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life. I am sorry for being mean to you. And you were right when you said that I most have some feelings. I did a big mistake by hurting your feelings, and I deserve the pain that I have felt. I will never do it again to you or to any other person. You have always been kind and supportive. Thank you for forgiving me. This song is dedicated to Ra-1 and Bo ghazi. P.S. Thanks to all of those who sent emails to ask about the reason and encouraging me to come back.